A Romantic Serenade

Our fearless leader, Jim, had a hot date with his girlfriend, at a nice Italian restaurant in Indianapolis. Danny and I thought that it would be nice if they had some special entertainment during their candlelight dinner. I borrowed a suitcoat from another musician who was about twice my size, and found some slacks that clashed with it nicely. Danny also put together a fairly gaudy outfit, and we met in the bus lounge to rehearse our "big number". Now, I play just enough violin to make a melody recognizable, but not bearable. Danny, being a master of wind instruments, has the unique ability to play a clarinet exactly like a grade-school beginner, even squeaking the reed on the important notes. We chose that sentimental Jewish favorite from West Side Story: "Sunrise, Sunset". We practiced playing badly while looking very serious, and I developed a great pained facial expression, teeth clamped on my tongue in intense concentration. When we were satisfied that our instruments were just slightly out-of-tune with each other, and our performance was just awful enough, we walked down the street to the back kitchen door of the restaurant. We explained that we were there to serenade a couple who were celebrating their anniversary, and they got very excited, even pulling out a small cake for the happy lovers. As we strolled up to the table, the faces of everyone in the restaurant brightened in anticipation. Five notes into the song, the smiles began to fade, and by the third line, people were squirming, glancing at each other, and some were trying not to laugh. Jim and Barbara sat stoically, as if there was nothing wrong. As we reached the chorus ("Sun-Rise, Sun-Set"...) we launched into our choreography, which consisted of swaying side-to-side while playing even worse than before. (It's hard to play the violin when you're swaying like an idiot) Just when they thought they were out of the woods, we tore into verse two. For us, the second verse seemed to take an hour to finish, and I'm sure it was even longer for everyone else. We finished to a very small smattering of applause, (some dolts will clap for anything!), and took huge melodramatic bows. As we were leaving, the waiter was presenting the cake, and we had to keep straight faces all the way to the back door.